


Hadn’t he

by pairatime



Category: Shelter (2007)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:50:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4672439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pairatime/pseuds/pairatime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach thinks about being straight through out his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hadn’t he

**Author's Note:**

> smallfandomfest round 7: Shelter, Zach/Shaun, accepting yourself is the first step

Shaun has kissed him, a guy had kissed him, but he didn’t like it because he was straight…hadn’t he? He’s always liked being with women…hadn’t he? He’s always been straight…hasn’t he?

***

Zach knew he was straight because of the first time he was kissed. It was when he was 11 and in the fifth grade. They had two half hour recess each day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon and each afternoon Zach found himself with Sally when they played kickball.

It started early that spring when he was playing 3rd base she ran to steal the base and tackled him sending them both to the ground with Sally on top. The next thing Zach knew Sally was kissing him, her wet lips on his. It was over quickly and Sally was up and running for home base before Zach had even realized he’d been kissed. 

It was his first kiss, the first that wasn’t family anyways and later after the game and during math class all the guys wanted to know what it was like since only Gabe and Justin had been kissed before and only once in Justin’s case.

They wanted to know how she did it, did she use tongue, and how great it was were they doing it again, all that stuff. Only it wasn’t, maybe it was too quick. Maybe that’s why it wasn’t that great because be should have liked it, it should have been like the best thing ever. But it wasn’t.

Zach knew it had to be because it happened too fast, because he knew he was straight…he wasn’t sure why it wasn’t that great the rest of the year too.

***

Zach also knew he was straight because when he turned 13 that was the year he and Tori started going out and he had to be straight for that to happen.

Zach had never had any alcohol to drink before so when Gabe handed him the wine cooler he wasn’t sure about it but Gabe wouldn’t take no for an answer and Shaun had gotten a lot of coolers for them all.

And so that’s how Zach ended up on the back deck with Tori. They were under a full moon and they could hear the sound of the ocean waves as they stood on the deck and look out at the beautiful of nature around them.

They both sipped at their wine cooler, strawberry-mango, and that’s when Tori kissed him and he kissed her back. He ran his hand over her body, feeling her hips as he pulled closer, feeling her breast as he kissed her back.

Later when he looked back at that moment he could tell himself it was great, that he loved it. Tori throwing up all over the deck was the reason he doesn’t get excited about it.

***

The next reason Zach really knew he was straight was when he was 16 and it was the night of his junior prom and he did what every red blooded straight American boy does on prom night.

Tori looked beautiful in her dress and Zach wanted to do nothing more then dance with her all night. Hold her as they swayed to the music in the gym putting all those forced dancing lessons with his mother to good use.

When he asked her to come with him to the ridge over looking the bay he really wanted her to come with him and spend the night with him, he wanted it. Zach had never felt anything like it when he was with Tori like that, being inside her. But if Zach was being honest with himself the best moment of the night was dancing with Tori to ‘Lady in Red’ and not the sex that followed but that was fine, the first time is never the best time.

***

Zach knew he had to be straight because of what he felt when he held his new nephew for the first time the day after he was born.

The moment that Zach looked down at Cody’s smiling face Zach felt something, he felt like a part of him was completed in a way he wasn’t before. The way that Cody smiled up at him warmed his heart. Zach knew what he wanted; to hold him and take care of him forever.

And then he had to hand Cody back to Jennie and he felt incomplete again, only he hadn’t felt incomplete before he held Cody and he knew he wanted a family and Zach knew with Tori he could as soon as they were ready and he could only have that, want that, if he was straight…right?

***

Zach thought about being straight the day after Shaun kissed him. The first thoughts he had after it happened was, what had he done? Why had he done it, why had he let Shaun do it because it was Shaun not him.

That was all Zach could think about as he drove home to pick up Jennie and get her to work and see Tori. The first thing he did when he saw Tori was to try and kiss her. And he knew why she pulled away. He had never wanted to kiss her or be with her. During the movie he hadn’t even acknowledged her until she started leaving. He knew he wasn’t a great boyfriend. He didn’t seem to be what she wanted and needed and just maybe it was because she wasn’t what he wanted and needed but did that mean that Shaun was? Was that the real reason it never felt right before? With Sally and Tori, had he just been making excuses before? Finding reasons that it wasn’t right and not looking at the most likely answer. Not looking at the possibility that he just wasn’t into girls and he hadn’t been…he loved Tori but…he wasn’t in love with her. He didn’t dream about her body but maybe, maybe he could with someone else. He had to take that chance…didn’t he?


End file.
